So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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