Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
