She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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