Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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