dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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