I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Everything about him screamed your future.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
