i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
