When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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