He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
