dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
