The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
only you would photoshop your dick
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
