Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
