i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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