when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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