Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
