were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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