No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
