Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
