1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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