I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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