She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
