mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
