walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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