Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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