My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
