Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
