Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
