we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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