This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
