I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
