He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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