He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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