I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
