Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
