Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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