Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She bit a glass in half.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
