the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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