He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
