I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
