i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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