The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
