Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
