pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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