he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
