Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
