I got chris browned last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
