Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
