hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
