my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
