So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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