2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
