There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
